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She Did it Her Way on the Highway

morning she felt verThaty cold, in fact she felt cold for quite awhile. She had a protruding vein on her left foot and another in the pit of her left arm. She also had that constant cough caw,caw, caw, and a swollen right ankle.

When you don’t know you can’t know, that’s the problem with the body mind connection.

The body says you’re in trouble the mind says get over yourself. The body says can’t you see the signs listen to me, the mind says so you’ve a cough take a disprin. Veins: its blood supply. Your cold put on a lair of clothes. Attention seeker.

Standing at the front door ready to go, then STOP.

When the unexpected pump in the chest suddenly starts you think panic attack. You think anxiety. You think stress. You think pressure.

Run! Run! Run it off. And you do.rUUUUUUUUUn…RuuuuuuNNNNN

Like the wind you try to escape this nauseating compression and extraction of heart hula hoops.

Your mind courses through all the days beginnings and where you have to be and what you have to do. Meanwhile the heart like a rampaging lunatic is beating so fast that it demands attention.

Stop!! ‘Would you please go away’ the mind says. I’m more powerful than the body. Think it you will achieve it. Isn’t that what they say? If you will it, it will happen. Be positive.

The power of positive thinking.

Come on.

Well that’s not working. WHAT NOW………

Driving to the first port of call you see a GP’s centre in Glanmire.

You stop and ask for help.

‘help me’

‘Look we are fully booked’

‘please help me my back is killing me, [lease’

‘well go to AnE’, she says with impaaience.

‘Look wait outside I’ll see if I can get a doctor’,

‘Ok Thanks’

You lean against their cream artexed wall. So cooling the wind in her face. The heat so hot.

The mind this time seems to be catching up with the power of the body;

DO not sit down, do not slither down outside this centre or that’s it. It would feel good, don’t.

The noumenal moment is extinguished, reality has arrived.

You re-enter the GP’s

‘sorry we can’t see you’ she says in that proper fuck off voice.

The mind pipes up. How? Why? What is going on to herself?

You are in trouble.

Huh??

She needs help.

Near to collapse all this drama in your chest wants centre stage; the spotlight beams brighter, you feel faint, sweating you glide into your car. You leave.

Your back is in agony now.

Please stop. The surprise of it all, the wish it would just go away made no difference.

Arrest is an accurate term as you are under arrest, imprisoned nailed and restrained.

Still flight or fight is inbuilt.

Your brain is ready to cave in, ok body you win I’ll take it from here says the mind.

Go to your own Dr.

Reverse. Turn right or left? Go RIGHT, go right the mind said.

Down the dual carriageway easy- calm- thought restricted- head pounding- you do what you are told body says the mind.

The body want you to stop driving.

Do not stop or you are dead.

Feeling faint the chest now batters and runs wild BOOM, BOOM,  BOOM n BANG BANG BOOM:

 

under siege the body wants to stop and lie down on the road, this time the strong mind says ‘Do no such thing’ your dead if you do.

Dead? Where did that come from? Who’s dying?

You……….