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Tumescent Terminus PTCA PK et al 11.11.2016 @

11.11

Ambulance doors open.

She’s arrived.

Somewhere.

Expectancy heightens the ‘imminent’.

With no dissent she is lowered down from the ambulance put on a stretcher and wheeled down a corridor.

‘You’re ok’ said the ambulance man pushing fast.

What? she thinks

A face appears above hers, eyes brown and intense he’s  telling her she needs to sign a form, a disclaimer in case she bleeds to death, has a stroke, a h……..her mind which had been compliant and silent is now in overload: too much assiduity and action.

‘What go away’ she thinks

What is he on about?

She hates being centre of attention and mostly she hates surprises and drama. Why is he making all these demands ?

Who is he?

Wheels turning the roof and walls appear glassy with the movement. He walks backward and quickly beside her.

She doesn’t understand; please sign the form he says again.

Please!

Christ!!

Quizzically she stares at him; his soft eyes dominate with a silent pleading #DoIt.

He propped a board up with paper on it for her to sign.

Her arm stretches out graps the pen and signs, this is strange until now she had no awareness of herself or her body, even writing her name was phantom like. Is she writing her name? If not-

Who is doing it?

The wheels turn faster and faster she lies there. No thinking. Nothing. Silence. Peace.

Brown eyes turns to look at her sage like and pushes open doors that swing back.

A blue welcoming party stands in front of her.

JESUS

What the FUCK is going on?

Her face spreads with fear. She is scared.

The blue welcoming party surround someone wearing a white hat, a white smile in a white room, dressed in green his smile not betraying anything other than sheer delight to see her.

Who?

What is he saying?

Beaming salutations of her name he moves torward her?

Go away.

How does he know her name? Christ! No! Don’t

He is so earnest have we met.

FEAR

The mask inhibits.

zero body –zero mind.

‘We are going to move you over’, voices and faces say, it’s all a blur.

Arms shuffle her from one stretcher to another. She lay malleable and frozen-confused and disorientated and why wouldn’t her mouth work?

The mask inhibitor.

She sees a telly above her is this a gameshow?

She is being strangled.

Everything is as clear as daylight so bright and intense she is dazzled to death.

Nothing is making sense.

Stop making sense.

She is trapped and as with any trapped animal – instinct is to lay docile until you get a chance to run.

‘Have you eaten’ said earnest man.

Her answer didn’t seem to come from her.

Slice of bread.

Am I conscious? She wonders.

RUN

Was she dreaming!

Nothing was said about anything.

Trying to hide it with his kind way earnest man’s eyes  now took on look of fervency and execution their eyes met and eclipsed with urgency and apprehension.

She knows that look, however in this scenario it was not pleasure.

She feels so nervous talk to me tell me what is happening to me.

Explain.

Silence.

She wants to go home.

Tell me what is going on for fucks SAKE!!

I want you to hold onto this bar with your hand.

She gripped the cold steel bar tightly as if her life depended on it.

The curtains pulled tight……………………………………………………..

radiohead thomyorke

A heart that’s full up like a landfill

A job that slowly kills you

Bruises that won’t heal

You look so tired, unhappy

Bring down the government

They don’t, they don’t speak for us

I’ll take a quiet life

A handshake of carbon monoxide

With no alarms and no surprises

No alarms and no surprises

No alarms and no surprises

Silent, silent

I don’t want to be your friend

I just want to be your lover

No matter how it ends

No matter how it starts

Forget about your house of cards

And I’ll do mine

Forget about your house of cards

And I’ll do mine

Fall off the table

Get swept under

Denial, denial

The infrastructure will collapse

Voltage spikes

Throw your keys in the bowl

Kiss your husband goodnight

Forget about your house of cards

And I’ll do mine